"But you know what really gets me? It's the yuppies that live in Lake View and Lincoln Park. Their rich (living off their parents money) and they don't know how to drive."
On another occasion, more comments sounded like this:
"Most of the people in law school don't deserve to be there. They just have money and have bought their way in. Everyone in college isn't smart. Most people in college aren't the smartest in the tool shed."
These words, uttered by my team lead wasn't knew to me. Actually this was a conversation that wasn't new to any of us. She talks about how privileged "yuppies" are. How they got everything they wanted without having to work for anything. But the person spewing these comments clearly had a chip on her shoulder, and everyone knew it. Working with paralegals and attorneys, co-workers often share their experience of law school, or intentions to go. After intense conversation about this subject, it was finally revealed that Sarah* applied to several law schools and was rejected from all of them. This was the chip on her shoulder.
This revelation proved to be a huge "a-ha!" moment and once uttered we all understood the root of her bitterness. I then began to contemplate on my own life and wondered what type of person I'd be if I had allowed rejection to determine what type of person I'd become. Let me share my story:
The prospect of going away to college was VERY exciting for me. Not just because I would be the first college graduate, but because I'd be able to fulfill my dream of joining an organization that, since my sophomore year in high school, I'd been thoroughly researching. An organization of collegiate women who were committed to service. My first opportunity I had to join this organization I would JUMP on it; it was something that was impressed upon my heart. My first chance came to join and I couldn't because those biology courses that I enrolled in (hey I declared a major in pre-med initially!!!!) just didn't work out, and adversely affected my G.P.A. I was told to get my grades up and try again...and I did....again, and again, and again--every year until the end of my college career, to no avail. Every time new members of the organization were introduced to campus, I managed to keep my composure--I really had no choice! But on the inside there were a WHIRLWIND of questions. What was wrong with me? Why was I constantly being denied something that I persistently went after? What qualities did the other members who were accepted into the organization have that I didn't?
To really understand the anguish that I was experiencing, one would have to know that I'd heard "yes" my entire life. From auditioning to get into the Midwest's sole performing arts high school, to being inducted into honor societies my middle and high school academic career, it was only natural that I'd come to college and continue this history of excellence which was a standard for me prior to entering college. Despite having references from other high ranking members already in the organization (as well as references from college professors) membership into this organization was always denied me. I couldn't understand for the life of me what the current members of the organization wanted from me. What did I need to show that I was worthy? That I qualified? Obviously the qualifications of membership were not REALLY the qualifications because on paper I qualified (other members who recommended me for membership thought so). So what was I missing?
Only after graduating from college was I able to FULLY learn the lesson, and escape the bitterness of the young lady mentioned at the beginning. Rejection is never about the person being rejected. Rejection can positively transform....but only if you learn and accept the lesson. If I had internalized the rejection of being denied membership year after year, semester after semester, I would have been just as bitter as the young woman discussed earlier. And believe me it was hard! Especially (as in my case) when you're not given any reason for the rejection. Hearing "no" year after year, semester after semester forced me to evaluate who I was based on standards that were MINE not theirs. Before entering college I was taught to do things (like make the honor roll; study hard; do well on your SAT's/ACT's; all so that you fit in to preferable social spaces (i.e. college). The experience of this constant rejection, while in college, forced me to ask if membership to this organization reflected me needing to fit in, or rather something that dovetailed an authentic, confident perspective that I already maintained for myself. It forced me to reflect on what I thought about MYSELF. No longer could I depend on acceptance into certain social spaces to determine my worth...or dictate who I was. Would I let membership (or a lack thereof) detract from what and who I knew I was? This experience caused me to own MYSELF for MYSELF, and not use an organization to cloak or crutch my existence. Granted, I didn't seek membership for this purpose (to hide from myself), but I doubt that I would have had this revelation of myself because the need for self-introspection would not have existed if I'd been accepted into the organization (as I thought I would be). Ultimately this rejection gave me a level of freedom that I didn't realize I needed.....the freedom from public opinion. Before this incident I was always successful in every endeavor that I sought. But this unique incident made me question if I was successful only because of the validation I'd get from the success, or because it was something that I truly wanted...for myself. Choosing to be bitter would only confirm that I believed their opinion about me. The constant denial of membership, while it hurt, doesn't decree or bear relevance to what I know to be true about who I am as a person....the core of my being. This is the lesson I learned from rejection. What's yours???
The prospect of going away to college was VERY exciting for me. Not just because I would be the first college graduate, but because I'd be able to fulfill my dream of joining an organization that, since my sophomore year in high school, I'd been thoroughly researching. An organization of collegiate women who were committed to service. My first opportunity I had to join this organization I would JUMP on it; it was something that was impressed upon my heart. My first chance came to join and I couldn't because those biology courses that I enrolled in (hey I declared a major in pre-med initially!!!!) just didn't work out, and adversely affected my G.P.A. I was told to get my grades up and try again...and I did....again, and again, and again--every year until the end of my college career, to no avail. Every time new members of the organization were introduced to campus, I managed to keep my composure--I really had no choice! But on the inside there were a WHIRLWIND of questions. What was wrong with me? Why was I constantly being denied something that I persistently went after? What qualities did the other members who were accepted into the organization have that I didn't?
To really understand the anguish that I was experiencing, one would have to know that I'd heard "yes" my entire life. From auditioning to get into the Midwest's sole performing arts high school, to being inducted into honor societies my middle and high school academic career, it was only natural that I'd come to college and continue this history of excellence which was a standard for me prior to entering college. Despite having references from other high ranking members already in the organization (as well as references from college professors) membership into this organization was always denied me. I couldn't understand for the life of me what the current members of the organization wanted from me. What did I need to show that I was worthy? That I qualified? Obviously the qualifications of membership were not REALLY the qualifications because on paper I qualified (other members who recommended me for membership thought so). So what was I missing?
Only after graduating from college was I able to FULLY learn the lesson, and escape the bitterness of the young lady mentioned at the beginning. Rejection is never about the person being rejected. Rejection can positively transform....but only if you learn and accept the lesson. If I had internalized the rejection of being denied membership year after year, semester after semester, I would have been just as bitter as the young woman discussed earlier. And believe me it was hard! Especially (as in my case) when you're not given any reason for the rejection. Hearing "no" year after year, semester after semester forced me to evaluate who I was based on standards that were MINE not theirs. Before entering college I was taught to do things (like make the honor roll; study hard; do well on your SAT's/ACT's; all so that you fit in to preferable social spaces (i.e. college). The experience of this constant rejection, while in college, forced me to ask if membership to this organization reflected me needing to fit in, or rather something that dovetailed an authentic, confident perspective that I already maintained for myself. It forced me to reflect on what I thought about MYSELF. No longer could I depend on acceptance into certain social spaces to determine my worth...or dictate who I was. Would I let membership (or a lack thereof) detract from what and who I knew I was? This experience caused me to own MYSELF for MYSELF, and not use an organization to cloak or crutch my existence. Granted, I didn't seek membership for this purpose (to hide from myself), but I doubt that I would have had this revelation of myself because the need for self-introspection would not have existed if I'd been accepted into the organization (as I thought I would be). Ultimately this rejection gave me a level of freedom that I didn't realize I needed.....the freedom from public opinion. Before this incident I was always successful in every endeavor that I sought. But this unique incident made me question if I was successful only because of the validation I'd get from the success, or because it was something that I truly wanted...for myself. Choosing to be bitter would only confirm that I believed their opinion about me. The constant denial of membership, while it hurt, doesn't decree or bear relevance to what I know to be true about who I am as a person....the core of my being. This is the lesson I learned from rejection. What's yours???
