I come from a world steeped in church culture. I was born and raised C.O.G.I.C. (Church of God In Christ) with roots in the Baptist and Apostolic faiths. Growing up, church was all I knew...oh yeah...and school. Venturing out into the world revealed how closed-minded, sheltered, and quite frankly deprived I was. Once outside of the bubble of church culture, I learned to challenge many of the things I had been taught. I learned that people use religion to control others. That some of the things that I had been taught were wrong...because it was steeped in fear. Yes I had faith, but what good is faith in a world where you have to interact with living, breathing people. People who come from different walks of life, different perspectives, and yes different orientations. What does that faith translate to when you can't adequately convey it, because you refuse to see people for who they are?
Lately, while having conversations with complete strangers I have been asked, out the blue, what my religion is. At the times I was asked, I became extremely uncomfortable because I believe that religion is inadequate and ineffective. To me, religion is an institution that has historically been used for political purposes of mass control...and presently it hasn't seemed to change. I adamantly reject religion. Rather, I consider myself a Believer that has a relationship with God. I (try) to subscribe to the "Law of Love." It is this law that was referred to by Jesus when he stated:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with
all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two
commandments.” (Matthew 22:37(b)-40).
Essentially, this sums up the essence of what the Believer should be striving to achieve in their walk with God. All the "extras" that "Christians" like to tack on, and the axioms they disproportionately put weight on (because of their need to control) suddenly becomes irrelevant. Now that I've laid the foundation for my personal beliefs let me discuss same sex love....as I see it........
The problem as I see it is that sexuality is not something that is celebrated, valued, and understood. It is not embraced as a God-given part of the human anatomy (as an arm or leg is a part of one's physical anatomy). Often sexuality is seen as a disconnected, disjunctive element-- it is a separate, non integrated part of a human being. From birth, children are taught to repress sexual feelings. Girls are told to, "Stop being fast!" or boys called "manish." These situations aren't used to teach children about their God-given sexuality and when and how it should be expressed. Instead, they are taught that sexual feelings are inappropriate because of the discomfort and trepidation often transferred by adults (because they too were repressed as children). It is this angst in approaching matters of sexuality (and sexual feelings) to our children that subconsciously teaches that sexuality is a "bad thing." If there was a "re-orientation" in the way sexuality is viewed, same sex love wouldn't be seen as something immoral or dirty. It would be seen as yet another avenue of sexual expression..
So. If sexual (heterosexual) feelings are taught to be repressed.... what of sexual feelings towards those of the same sex? This question could probably be a thesis paper. I personally believe that the discomfort with our bodies (since it is the primary means of expressing sexuality) stems from the Puritan lineage that pervades our nation's psyche. But honestly it shouldn't matter who you love. It only matters how you love. I know of those who subject themselves to relationships they wouldn't choose to be in so that they outwardly conform to social standards and accepted mores. Inwardly these types of people are conflicted and are living a blatant lie. It's funny (not really) that there are some more accepting of a heterosexual couple where one of the partners are being physically and emotionally abused, but would condemn a same-sex couple who respect and healthily affirm each other. So then what is the sin? Is a relationship not deemed legitimate because of the members in it? Or rather is a relationship defined by the way in which those IN the relationship relate (treat) each other???
Let me also say this. Sexuality is not concrete. It is a flexible thing that is influenced and constructed by social, biological, and environmental circumstances. I personally know of those who had same-sex partners throughout college, who are now married and/or romantically involved with those of the opposite sex. And what of those "straight" men who go into the prison system never before questioning their sexuality, but during the course of their incarceration engage in same-sex sexual activities that persist even after their incarceration. Other examples include women who have been jerked around by men during the course of their romantic relationships, and decide to instead seek women as a viable option to fill the need for companionship. Yet another example includes those who have been molested as children (either by a same sex relative, or not) who become sexually imprinted during a time where mental and emotional capabilities have not been fully developed, but an affinity for one of the same sex left nonetheless. And then there are those who have none of the previously described experiences, but have always known that they have been attracted to those of the same sex. The reasons why a person is attracted to those of the same sex is unimportant, and need not be justified, as those who are heterosexual are not scrutinized to justify the nature of their attraction.
The fact that there are those who deny, hate, and lie about their identities in order to project an "acceptable standard" is disheartening. Same sex loving people live in a world where they are not allowed to be their authentic selves. Same-sex loving people are members of the very institutions that oppress them. They are then forced to lie about who they are, at their core, in an attempt to gain social acceptance. However, it is these lies that erode their HUMANITY. This is the sin. Fear. There is more fear being taught across the pulpits of America than Love, and this is the sin. Fear is used to control and contain. Love liberates. It is fear that pervades America. The fear to declare (unapologetically) who you authentically are, because of social/religious standards that derive from a system of oppression, is a sin. To use religion to oppress any group of people is a SIN. And what makes it worse is that Blacks who are all too familiar with the spirit of oppression (and the social and religious systems used to promulgate and codify this oppression) are so eager to jump on the bandwagon of homophobia, and oppress those who identify with same-sex love. Is it that easy to identify with oppressive paradigms when you have been (still are) being oppressed by the same machine??? This is an ultimate sin.
I will end this post with a personal story and conversation that I had with a friend of mine. First the story. I was in a church service where I noticed a transgendered woman was seated. At the benediction, when the congregation was instructed to hold hands with their neighbors, nobody would hold her hand. So sad. She obviously came to fellowship with those that she should have been able to receive love and acceptance from, but did not receive it. But there are those who would condemn her for choosing to be romantically involved with someone who would provide her that love and acceptance. Some "church folk" are really backward to me! There is no maturity or evolution in their levels of consciousness. The conversation that I had with my friend revealed that she really wants to raise her children to know God, and that she wants to be able to take her family to worship among other "Believers." The only thing is is that she knows that she wouldn't be welcomed as a woman in a committed, same sex relationship. I told her that there are progressive congregations that welcome same sex loving individuals, and she said that she identifies with the Black Church, and already knows their stance about the issue of same sex love. She's caught in a very hard place.
To understand the crux of Jesus' mission and message, is to observe that He never required those he healed, delivered, or served to change who they were at the core. He loved and accepted them for whatever they were. He never tried to control them or make them be what He desired...he actually gravitated to those considered to be "socially undesirable." He genuinely loved all He encountered. In fact, Jesus transformed HIMSELF to be of service to those He served. The real consternation surrounding the same sex issue is at the core an issue of control. No one has the right to dictate what a legitimate love relationship looks like. If two individuals commit themselves to each other, and their actions are consistent with that commitment, then no one (institution or person alike) has the right to challenge that...period. Especially when heterosexual relationships are not questioned, with their members having a history of little to no commitment...
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